“Beijo se dá, não se pede!” – Observations

“Beijo se dá, não se pede!”

The phrase above basically means “a kiss isn’t asked for, it’s given!” and throughout my years on the Brazilian ‘dating scene’ (most of my friends are Brazilian so it just happens that way) and during my extended trips to Brazil, I’ve noticed that phrase isn’t just a phrase, but an unwritten philosophy.

Brazilian women are receivers of affection, not takers. The sooner you learn that, the better off you will be if your goal is finding a Brazilian girlfriend. Go to a bar, a club, a park, the beach or the middle of the sertão, and you will find the same thing…machismo, and in a country where there’s an excess of machismo, there will be women who have learned to respond to it.

“But we’re in the 21st century!”

I know, I know. I’m not endorsing it as a lifestyle, but merely as a means to attracting and being attractive to women in Brazil. Men must do all the ‘work’ in Brazil (and in most ‘latin’ countries) and it is a woman’s job to let you know if she’s interested or not. Argue with me on this point if you will, but Brazilian women don’t give signals…period. If you like a woman and want to get to know her, you have to do more than flirt and be affectionate towards her (because many guys will do this). You have to approach her, start a conversation, make sure her reaction isn’t negative and as long as it’s normal or positive, then you can assume you are on the right track. This track might lead to a kiss a little bit later, which you will have to completely initiate (as she will give you no signs she wants one) and it can lead to seeing her another night, etc.

There’s a sentence I recently read (not a popular saying though) that says “Se gostou, pega pela cintura” and that means “if you like it her, take her by the waist”. What that translates to in other terms, is you need to have a certain forwardness about you while in a social setting (bar, club, party) and in proximity to a woman you are interested in, otherwise you are doomed to have very little luck. Unfortunately, I know what I’m talking about.

During most of my 10 months in Brazil in total, I didn’t act accordingly and I got nowhere. No extra-long glances nor smiles that hide something more, no reason to think any woman in any social setting had the least bit interest. I’m no hermit, I’m not super shy nor do I share any similarities with Mr. Bean, I just wasn’t forward enough for the average Brazilian woman. Mind you, I’ve had long-term relationships with brasileiras but I didn’t initially meet them in social places.

So how do I know these things if I’ve never been the macho man, with the forwardness to prove it? Learned it all secondhand. I’ve seen it happen a million times but I’m fairly happy with how I am so this is a lesson for you. Take it or leave it.