Lessons from Brazil – Dar Mole

I thought I was done with this subject (of male/female relations) but it popped up again. I was talking to a male friend about a conversation I had with a girl and I told him that at some point I thought I had been talking too much and not letting her speak, thus I told her, “I hope I didn’t talk too much that night.” His response, “cara, você deu mole!”

I wasn’t even flirting with the girl even though I enjoy the fact that she does her own thing, has her own way of living life. Nonetheless, it was implied that due to it being a male/female conversation among people of roughly the same age, that there was a loss of manliness on my part and therefore a loss of her possible attraction to me as a man.

What it ends up feeling like is that there’s strict rules that, when done by a “pro” (at the game), they come out looking like part of the most natural of behaviors. Even Brazilians who are straight-edged completely understand the game but choose not to employ it.

I knew a guy in high school who used to say, “female friends are just women you haven’t slept with yet.” Since I’m not a mind-reader, I can’t say how prevalent this way of thinking is here but I feel like the distinction is rather blurred among the youth in Brazil.

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2 thoughts on “Lessons from Brazil – Dar Mole

  1. Dar mole has a double meaning. In your example sounds more like you missed out on an opportunity or screwed up something. I can’t really tell what he meant. Dar mole in this sense is very subjective. It’s part of how a person who told this feels. Sometimes a person might tell you that vc deu mole, but in your head you didnt.

  2. “Dar mole” means to really show and display how interested you are in someone while hoping they’ll respond in kind. If they don’t, that’s frustrating, particularly if you wanted them to respond to you and they didn’t.

    Plus, if he said you were coming on to her and she didn’t respond then it must be because she didn’t want to respond in kind, at least at that moment.

    So, what’s the difference between “dar mole” and “cantar”. “Cantando” someone is coming on to them in an assertive way, while “dar mole” is showing you’re soft for them. Assertiveness always beats being soft. It gets more respect.

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